how i see it

so im not very good with writing creatively like all those people with a post that takes up the whole page. as much as i try to sit here and think of things to say usually nothing comes. im not a very good blogger. i wish i could say i was and that i had the ability to write one of those extremely long posts so people will look at it and say WOW LOOK AT THAT - that person must be special if they can write so much in one sitting and have it all make perfect sense to EVERYONE. i follow people who are so talented and know what they want to do and say.

so i’m just going to sit here and say w/e comes to mind and hope to buddha that is makes sense and maybe someone out there will read it and say wow…

lately i can’t explain why it’s happened but i can tell you what is happening. it’s like i took a bath in sadness. it’s overwhelming and its scary. like i said, i can’t explain it. it’s just happening to me and i wish i could control it or even say why, so then maybe it would be easier to deal with. i still have one more month of summer and of course im going to be stuck at home wallowing in my self loathe until i can finally get out of here. i have few friends during the summer, by few i mean only one i see in person on occasion. but she’s always busy with her boyie(boyfriend) and being me, i have no relations like that ha. i have one friend, tim [ my bff ] but he has a girlie(girlfriend) and has for the better of 3 months. now don’t get me wrong, i love tim and im gladgladglad that he has someone, he deserves it. and she’s great…just unstable a bit. but since he got her when he’s on the computer he’s usually talking to her and playing tibia(mmorpg) with her.so in all, because my friends have relations and i have none, i’m lonely.

im going to stay at my aunt and uncles for a week to house-sit and i had asked my brother’s girlie to stay with me. she was all for it. until maybe a few weeks back she asked me if i wanted to hang out with her at her neighbors - ppl i’ve never met…ever (i don’t do well with strangers) - on the 4th (i’ll be house-sitting then) because she didn’t want me to be all alone. i guess she changed her mind about going. cause she remembered that i was going to be there, but apparently i’m going to be all alone that day. i said nah i’d hang out with manda then cause its been a few years…flat out lie. i might go to my dad’s brother’s house or just stay at the house. i was never a party person anyway.i just get the feeling sometimes she doesn’t like me. now that my brother has gone to japan and all…she use to hang out with me all the time and now when i invite her to something she doesn’t show and doesn’t say anything about it, she never talks to me anymore. it hurts.

people say you don’t need a lot of ppl to be happy, just a few close friends. but what if my “close” friends don’t want to talk to me? am i allowed to not be happy then?

oh well. i just wanted to get that out there. thanks for listening….reading…if you did anyway.

but thanks.

he talks on the phone with an old work buddy like it’s going outta style.

he’s been on the phone for almost an hour.

he’s worse than a 12 year old girl.

gossipgossipgossipswearlaughgossip

sorry for being sad.

i just cant help it.

i’ll try harder next time you’re around.

its been a while!

ive been busy doing nothing sadly.

i picked up WoW again…

and i’ve been staying up late listening to loveline

107.7 the end, seattle. google it. comes on 12am central time!

^ best radio show ever.

my bff tim got a girlie named steph…and didnt tell me about her for over 2 months, some bff eh?

oh well i still love him.

My new favorite movie I can watch everyday all day is the
Fantastic Mr. Fox!

Best movie ever.
Period.